You dont want it.. you get it!!!

Things have really changed between me and innocent after our break up...
Our 'best' friendship is lost now atleast  from her side it seems to me.
Ohh yes i have not been active at all for an year or so.. i know that. dont knw y?????
me and innocent got into a relationship last year in april.. I was really really happy initially in our relationship but then the road cant be straight always.. things started get really bad day by day and we were not able to work out things together. But i had always wanted her to be at my side whether she was my gf or not. Even after break up i missed her every single day, she was my bestest friend and i never wanted to lose her.
but we decided not to talk till she gets over me.. We broke up in december and today its June.

I thought that when we will again start talking things will again become great as ther were.. but i was wrong!!!!

She has really gone away.. if still i have any problem and if she asks me or m tokn to her, then i definitely share my heart out to her.. but she has changed. she doesnt want to share her problems with me..
it hurts.. it badly hurts.... saying that its nothn like i dun wanna tell u and then not telln me is like....a slow poison.

I dont know the future but definitely i can see the road is wrong.....

out of control

sometimes things get completely out of control.
 u dont want dat to happen but u just cant help even urslf from preventin it.
u r made to fyt, argue and den things even worsen up.
y cant people act a bit mature and give the other person some tym to stay calm if the person is asking.
arguments are lyk, the more u want to stay away from it the more u r made to have it.
sometimes few relations try nd take over ur head and dis is wat happening me ryt nw i guess..
i need peace. not fyts.

a night not to remember.....

last nyt.... was one of the worse nights of my lyf..... i took 2 hrs of told and untold truths by my bst frn 'innocent'.

it was a heart breaker to know dat she wishes dat she hadnot met me. it was a heart breaker to know that she doesnt trust me, (though i knew it but over a long tym i had been tryin to convince myself that she does) . i feel as if i had been faked all this tym with an untrusable trust. its been a year and a half since we started talking again and i am made to hear dis many times dat i had stoppd talkin to her wen i was in a relation.
i know it was my fault and i had tried so hard to make up for my mistake.
she says she doesnt trust me then why does she tell everythng of her life.. what should i think  i dun know or what i am made to think i dun know..

she says i made her a pessimist.. well if i made her a pessimist then where are all the good things i did....

and last nyt each word i heard was a slap on my face and listening to all what she went through those 8 months (though i knew dat already) and summing up all that in a nyt, all that anger she had which she had taken out on me many times, i feel so bad that i just cant put that in words.
her anger was a slap, her silence was a slap, actually last nyt whole was a giant slap that contained thousands of slaps....

how can she just preassume that she doesnt MATTER to me, i have no idea.
it was disheartening to hear that she thinks all negative about me.
and i think i should nt tell her dat i felt bad last nyt..

i will keep trying untill i change the views she has in her mind regarding me.
and i will keep smiling.

smile

smile is a thing that itself has the power to solve many problems....
so i just try to smile when i am sad.... and yes it helps upto some extent...
but the feelings are just opposite... no happiness within...its strange.... i have no reason to smile....

the people i thot i can rely upon are actually the people who doesn't care abt me at all.... thats hurting...
actually the problem with me is i am always open for a gud frnship... i see a prospect gud frnd in the person i start talkin to... and hence i get attachd... nd when these people stop talkin for no reason.. it gives u a strange feeling.. *what did i do wrong* or people are just lyk dat only.. :(

New Year

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL :)

So here comes the year 2011...

I had lots of expectations this time to celebrate new year's eve in a party... but dat din wrk out.. nevertheless it wsnt dat bad.. enjoyed it with songs, omelette and batman begins.. :D :D

As i sat down later and thought about the whole past year i.e, 2010, i realized the year was nt gud for me...
all the bad happenings i remember are fight with frnz in clg, people forgetting my bday whom i xpctd wont forget,  end of college lyf, chep problem :@ :@( worst thing that happened to me i guess) , realized a lot abt fake ppl., how ppl are two faced, and last but not the least the most unxpected thing to happen, the behaviour of my best friend that lead to no communication and i think even if we get into talkin terms, things can nvr be the same.. :(

the good things i remember are developmnt of strong understanding and gr8 frnshp wid mis innocent and mr singh. :) :P

innocent's bde i remember, drunk nyt out(though it was less gud nd more bad, but i wil consider it in gud cuz i got actually drunk for the 1st tym.. :P ) , getting a job, strong family bonding. :)

so over all the whole year was not dat gud fr me..bt i will make dis year count in the list of gud years for me.. :D

my 1st post.. :) :)

soooo... finally after creating this blog for like 2 weeks i have got the tym to write my 1st post.. :)

the sole wish of creating such blog came from one f my dearest frn.. :)
now a days i m a really happy guy as i am staying at home for a week and meeting frnz nd will b meeting more frnz in d week.
howevr lyf has been really rude and on the face for me since i moved out from delhi...
learned a lot. realized a lot, saw reality and a lot f stuff.
dun have much tym to write on. :P hav to sleep
details in the nxt post. :)

gudnyt. sweet drmz to me. nd u all. :)